If a list were to be made of the problems possible in a marriage or relationship, it would probably fill a small book. Then, just when you think the list is complete, someone else comes up with a different one.
Relationship problems could be as numerous as there are people in the world. We’re all unique, and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It would be difficult if not impossible to generally pinpoint a root problem for everyone unless each person was examined individually.
Since you’re unique, the problems you may be experiencing in your relationship may indeed have a root. To discover that root problem may be difficult, but with due diligence and commitment it can be found. It would begin with you discovering and examining yourself and your partner.
Self-discovery comes from communicating with your partner with sincere conversations about the issues at hand. Unless you can narrow down the troubling issue, you must proceed generally and let the process lead to more clarity. Most of the usual problems should be discussed at length before marriage between you, your intended spouse, and a qualified counselor or at least an unbiased person.
Most marriage counselors will agree that most issues that cause conflict stem from three things: money, sex, and children. If a relationship can reach an agreeable balance in these three issues, then you’ve gone a long way toward a successful marriage.
All three of these can rip a relationship apart if agreement cannot be reached. Assuming you’ve resolved the three most common problems in a relationship, let’s move on to other possible causes to see if you recognize a root problem.
Lack of trust can be a major contention, especially in a young marriage. Trust must be earned in all things from use of money to infidelity. Sit down and have a talk focusing only on trust. Share your feelings. If one of you feels the other is not being totally honest then the trust issue is not resolved.
Being trustworthy requires a commitment from both parties to always be fair, truthful, consistent, and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful, and acting as a good listener.
Good relationships demand your undivided attention, especially when having a problem-solving meeting. Things will go wrong so don’t overreact. Being sensitive means not bringing up old hurts. This opens up old wounds that should have been healed.
Compatibility is often at the root of many relationships. What attracted you to your spouse in the first place? Perhaps you shared a common interest in music, reading, or sports. But to build a relationship, it must go deeper than that. You must have common goals with similar attitudes and values.
Be realistic and realize that the two of you are different. Seek together the root of your problem and it will be found and solved.