The most common problem in marriage could well be entering into a relationship thinking there will be no problems. This is highly unrealistic, but couples recite wedding vows daily wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses.
This is not to say you should enter into marriage expecting problems, but be aware that they will occur and if you’re not prepared to handle them, then that could be another problem.
There is a difference between the most common problems in marriage and the most serious or threatening. Of course, any problem could be threatening if not resolved in a timely manner.
Marriage counselors have said that one of the most common issues they have to resolve for couples is their ability to manage conflict. The ability to manage conflict can be more damaging than the conflict itself.
The basic reasons husbands and wives fail to solve their problems themselves is lack of communication. Instead of talking the problem out and brainstorming for a solution, they become defensive and refuse to take responsibility for any wrongdoing. This leads to turning their back on the issue and walking away refusing to negotiate further.
When communication is tried, too often it turns into a word fight filled with name calling and criticism. No one likes to be called bad names, and no one likes to be criticized, so the communication attempt is interrupted and probably won’t be resumed until the disrespect is softened. Good communication must include respect for the other’s opinion.
Read almost any book on marriage problems and they will list the most common as sex, money, and children. Those are the broad headings and they have many sub-headings with one problem leading to another.
If a spouse is unable to cope with any of these three problems, it can lead to boredom and frustration. The old marriage myth warns of the seven-year itch. Couples now have begun scratching early and some even suffer from the seven-month itch.
The domino effect continues as spouses seek understanding and comfort in the arms of another, leading to unfaithfulness which is one of the most common infamous problems. It’s common because it often goes so long without being detected and the spouse is the last to know.
Not having enough money to pay the bills can destroy a spouse’s respect for the breadwinner. She or he will likely start hoarding money in a secret account for fear of not having enough. If this is detected, it creates a wall of distrust. Money matters should be outlined in the beginning while courting to avoid unexpected financial surprises.
Children are usually a blessing in a marriage, but can create problems if the husband or wife is not ready to accept responsibility for rearing children. Resentment arises for both the spouse and the child.
The number one common marriage problem is almost impossible to pinpoint. What’s common with one marriage may not even be felt in another. Perhaps the most common is expecting there will be no problems.